| | Immediately following yesterday's post I began my daily job search. After stating my open-mindedness about going or not going to school, I decided to check out World Relief's job board. They are a faith based humanitarian aid organization that I have respected for a long time. They have an available job as a Refugee Services Receptionist that jumped out at me. And, get this, it's in Chicago....oh the midwest, you're calling my name. I spent all day writing a cover letter, resume, and filling out the semi-lengthy application. Of course this only served to spur more thoughts and questions: Would I really pick up and move to Chicago? Would I be okay with winter? Would I make as good friends as I've made in SF? Can I handle leaving my friends here? What is really important to me? Then, on the other hand, Is it sustainable for me to live in SF? Can I afford it? Can I find a meaningful job here if I decide not to go to school? The endless questions...I was given hope though that if I decide not to get a degree right now that there are jobs out there that interest me and which could provide space for me to move up in the world of cross-cultural exchange and service.
This morning I woke up and took the 27 bus to the Mission to go to Sarah's house with Rachael for brunch. I had a difficult time being fully present as my mind was still swirling with thoughts and questions and I didn't have any interest in talking about it. Everyone always tries to offer solutions to my conundrums and while I usually appreciate my friend's thoughts, sometimes I need to let my own thoughts settle in my head before letting other's opinions intrude on the process.
A couple hours later I took the bus back. A crazy lady sat next to me. She kept spraying some Lysol something or other into her bag and making this gurgly laughing sound. Then a crazy man came and sat behind me. He muttered about something or other under his breath the entire way. I kept trying to catch what he was saying, but to be completely honest I have no clue what he getting at and he probably doesn't either.
Back at home I spent a long time looking for plane tickets to go visit my best friend from college in PA. She offered to help pay for a huge chunk of the ticket, which is so very kind of her. I had a hard time finding a good ticket and got kind of frustrated about it. So I walked to Yerba Buena to bask in the sun, journal, pray, and read about Tajikistan. It was probably the best thing I could've done. Getting my thoughts out of my head and onto paper cleared a lot of space in my mind to think a bit more clearly. I asked God to help me make good decisions because it all just feels so overwhelming right now.
I walked back home and looked at tickets again and finally picked one I thought would work really well and got it - central PA here I come...two weeks from today! It will be so good to see Paula. Even though we've been apart for years we've seemed to follow a similar spiritual journey and it's always so good to - just be - with her.
I went downstairs to see what the YWAM folk were up to and ended up eating leftover pizza with them, which was great because I still haven't gone grocery shopping yet. Towards the end Kate asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with her. We walked to the end of Market St., down Embarcadero, passed under the Bay Bridge and walked a while longer until we turned around. We talked and talked about life and God and love. "I just love the idea that the kingdom of God is at hand," she said. And that was exactly what I needed to be reminded of. That God is all about bringing heaven to earth now. Being stressed about life is not worth it. Heaven on earth is.
Who knows why I don't have a job yet. I have applied to dozen of nanny jobs, a hostel job, a summer program instructor job, pet sitting jobs, and other random stuff...and nothing. I've never been in this position before. And I'm trying to figure out what all this means. Meanwhile, my summer is filling up:
July 17-19 Yosemite
July 22-28 PA with Paula
Aug 1-2 retreat
Aug 12-21 Boston
Aug 22 Orientation?
Hmmm. Orientation, or Kazhakstan? I looked at jobs today in Central Asia teaching English and was tempted. What is more affective right now: sitting in a classroom or going somewhere? Surely any experience abroad is only a positive thing. And the thought of it makes my heart beat wildly. Questions: Can I go it alone? Definitely not preferable. Would it be hard? Yes. Would I love it? Yes.
Such an interesting journey. In two months I could either be in Chicago, Kazakhstan, or still in San Francisco - either securing a job or taking classes. As my dad would say, "What an adventure!" |
| | Posted 7/9/2009 8:17 PM - 4 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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