| | A few hours went by this afternoon in which I somehow wasn't consumed with thoughts about life, vision, future. I began thinking "normal" thoughts again and had to remind myself to stay focused, though the break was nice. I have done some fairly intensive soul-searching the last few days, a lot of writing, a lot of creating space in my head, and talking to certain people. I think I am coming to mini-conclusions at a time and while I'll never have complete answers, I feel like things are starting to make a little more sense.
The future of my college career at Mills is hanging precariously on a limb. I don't think I can justify taking $25,000 out in loans for two years to graduate with a piece of paper and some "credentials". This is not to say that I won't get my bachelors degree. I talked to San Francisco State University today and found out that tuition is only $2,034 a semester. This is much more agreeable. I think it would kill me if upon graduation I realized I had to get a job regardless of whether or not it interested me, had to make large sums of money, had to be tied down, etc. for who knows how long. To be denied the opportunity to dream and go places and try new things. That is not something I would look forward to.
I don't want to get ahead of myself here - I have not made any final decisions about anything. But in this very moment it doesn't make much sense in my head to go to a private university...or to pick up and leave San Francisco and all of the wonderful people in my life for a job in Chicago - however great it may be...or to move half-way across the world to live in Central Asia. Maybe it would be better to go to a state school, to be open about the possibility of moving back to the midwest someday down the road, and to pray that someone will go with me to Central Asia in a few years.
Thank you, dear reader, for bearing with me during this reconfiguration. |
| | Posted 7/10/2009 10:38 PM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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